Bridging the Money Gap: How to Talk About Money with a Money-Avoidant Partner

Talking about money can be tough, especially when one partner prefers to avoid the topic altogether. Money avoidance isn’t just about ignoring bills or budgets; it’s an emotional response rooted in anxiety, guilt, or past experiences. If you’re ready to build healthier money conversations and reduce stress in your relationship, here’s how to approach the topic with empathy, curiosity, and understanding.

Understanding Money Avoidance

Money avoidance is more than simply neglecting finances—it’s a coping strategy to manage uncomfortable emotions. People who are money avoidant often feel anxious, guilty, or overwhelmed when dealing with financial matters. They might believe things like:

“Money is bad or corrupting.”

“Good people shouldn’t care about money.”

“Talking about money causes conflict.”

These deep-seated money beliefs can make avoidance feel emotionally safer than engagement; but over time, it leads to financial stress, disconnection, and recurring conflict between partners.

Where Money Beliefs Come From

Most of our money stories begin in childhood—often before age ten—shaped by what we heard and saw them growing up. Family messages like “we don’t talk about money” or “it’s rude to ask about finances” influence how we handle (or avoid) money as adults.

It’s completely normal for couples to have different comfort levels around money. These differences reflect unique money histories and emotional patterns, not relationship flaws.

How to Start a Money Conversation

When you’re ready to talk, timing is everything. Choose a calm, neutral moment—never during a stressful situation or after a disagreement. Keep the discussion short (15–20 minutes) and open the door for more conversations later.

Lead With Curiosity Rather Than Criticism: 

Instead of saying, “We need to make a budget,” try open-ended questions like:

“What did you learn about money growing up?”

“What do you wish felt easier about money?”

“What makes money stressful for you?”

These questions invite reflection, not defensiveness, and help your partner feel understood rather than judged.

Validate and Reframe:

Validation goes a long way. You might say:

“I know talking about money can feel uncomfortable. You’re not alone, a lot of people feel anxious about it. I really appreciate you being willing to talk about this with me.”

This kind of empathy lowers shame and increases emotional safety and connection.

Try reframing money talks as conversations about shared goals and values instead of problems to fix. For example:

“What would make us feel more secure or free this year?”

“How do we want to use money to support what matters most to us?”

When your partner engages, even a little, acknowledge it:

“Thank you for talking about this with me, it means a lot.”

Small positive moments build long-term trust and financial intimacy.

Take Small, Manageable Steps:

Progress happens gradually. You might:

• Set a short monthly “money check-in.”

• Focus on just one financial area at a time (like shared expenses or savings goals).

• Use a simple visual tool, like a whiteboard or budgeting app, to make information easier to discuss.

If your partner still avoids money conversations, stay calm and model healthy financial habits. Focus on shared priorities rather than numbers or blame.

When to Involve a Financial Therapist

If your attempts to talk about money keep stalling, or if emotions consistently run high, it might be time for outside help. A financial therapist is a professional trained in both mental health and financial behavior. They combine the tools of therapy, financial psychology, and money management to help individuals and couples:

• Understand and reframe emotional money patterns

• Reduce financial anxiety and shame

• Improve communication and trust

• Create a shared financial vision grounded in mutual respect

As a financial therapist, I help couples and individuals understand the “why” behind their money stress, uncover emotional roadblocks, and build healthier, more confident relationships with money, and most importantly, with each other.

If you’ve been trying to bridge the money gap but find that old patterns keep returning, professional financial therapy can help you move from avoidance to understanding, and from stress to connection.

For Therapists, Attorneys, and Financial Professionals:

If you work with couples who struggle to talk about money or show signs of money avoidance, referring them to a financial therapist can improve outcomes across your work together.

Financial therapy can reduce conflict, enhance emotional safety, and help clients make clearer, values-aligned financial decisions. Collaborating with a financial therapist gives your clients the relational tools they need to make financial progress that lasts.

Ready to bridge the money gap in your relationship or support your clients in doing so?

Reach out or explore my services to learn how financial therapy can help you create calm, connected, and confident conversations about money.