Steps to Recognize and Reframe Cognitive Distortions about Money and the Holidays
1. Notice Your Money Triggers
Pay attention to moments when you feel anxious, guilty, or ashamed about money. What thought popped into your mind just before that feeling?
2. Listen for Absolutes and Shoulds
Words like always, never, can’t, should, and must are red flags. They reveal rigid thinking patterns rather than flexible, reality-based thinking.
3. Check the Evidence
Ask yourself: Is this thought fact or assumption? Often, ANTs are based on comparisons, old messages from childhood, or cultural pressures—not current reality.
The next step is to shift how you respond:
1. Name the thought and simply label it as an “automatic negative thought” reduces its power. It can be helpful to say to yourself something like, “That’s my scarcity script talking.
2. Challenge the thought and replace rigid shoulds with flexible, supportive language. Instead of: “I should have paid off debt by now.” Changing your thought to “I’m making progress on debt, step by step, and that matters.” Can be a way to start breaking your habit of mind.
3. Reframe the thought and look for a more balanced perspective. Instead of: “I’ll never be good with money.” try: “I wasn’t taught much about money, but I am learning now.”
4. Align your values to your decisions. Ask yourself, “ Does this thought reflect what I truly care about? Often, when you trade shoulds for values, financial decisions feel lighter and more authentic.
5. Practice Self-Compassion and remind yourself: financial growth is a journey. No one gets it “right” all the time. Mistakes are data, not identity.
Final Thought
Money isn’t just about numbers—it’s about the stories we tell ourselves. Cognitive distortions, and shoulds, can quietly sabotage our financial choices and cause us emotional distress. By noticing, challenging, and reframing your thoughts of guilt and comparison, you create space for healthier money habits rooted in confidence and values. Let this be the gift you give yourself in 2026.